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Gameboy Micro vs Johnny 5

Hi-la-rious comment on this Gameboy Micro review page at Eurogamer (yes, I am thinking of buying one while waiting for the Wii).

Guy #1 says the Micro is the worst waste of circuit boards since Johnny Number Five. You either get that or you won’t get the rest of it.

Guy #2 (Bezzy) replies:

My father was a technical assistant on both the Short Circuit movies, and I’ll have you know that for all the puppeteering that went on (i.e. faking robotic movements and such) there are some true robotic feats going on within that robot, due in no small part to my father’s passion for robotineering.

I take great offense to what you’ve said, as you obviously have no clue about the hard work and effort my father put into that robot, even if it wasn’t really a robot and was more like a puppet, but with wires and camera irises and stuff.

What you don’t know is that my father wrote up plans for how Johnny Five could be made to actually WORK! His plans were dismissed as a crackpot fantasy by the Director, Special Effects Supervisor, Osbudman, and Writer (though what a writer knows about robotics, I have no idea). After Short Circuit 2, he left the movie industry to work on his dream. He’s been in the shed ever since. Simulations he wrote in the mid nineties showed that an excess of voltage resulting in electricity jumping between R15590 and C562 COULD result in the system software becoming self aware.

So FUCK YOU! Johnny Five COULD have been real, and if he’s not dead yet, my father will prove it!!

That film is not so much “Science Fiction” as “Science… Maybe?”.

I just love how it starts believable and then goes wacky. It’s a work of art as gamesite comments go. Someone find this guy and give him a job! He even comes back and replies to stupid criticism a little lower on the page.

Edit: Aughhh! I am dying here at my desk trying not to laugh! On the 2nd page, someone suggested that Bezzy’s dad turn his car into a Transformer…

Zuiyo:
Back to Bezzy and Johnny Five: we need Bezzy’s dad in charge of the Transformers movie, won’t you say so?
You can start with my 93 Honda Civic hatch. Only two conditions: I should be able to drive it like before after your dad is done, and the robot should have a mild personality and listen to what I say. None of that KITT shit.

Bezzy:
My dad’s robot is going to solve world poverty and catch terrorists. It’s not there fore your childish amusement.

Once again, I am offended by your internet words of shame.

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Commendable DS Game Review of the Day

SBK: Snowboard Kids at Eurogamer.net

The game is shite, and to prove it, John Walker spends the first three paragraphs talking about another game altogether. Of course, he’s only doing the old contrasty set up writerly thing, but it’s so so good to read.

What I have learned is: Mario Kart is really, incredibly good. And further, I don’t know why. Mario Kart has unfair deaths, where despite your superb racing technique, and complete trouncing of the AI drivers, a giant blue turtle can still knock you off the track one inch from the finish line, robbing you of your hard-earned victory. You throw your arms up in disgust, swear the paint from the walls, and most likely call Princess Peach a bitch. Then you play again.

Mario Kart never gives you the drops you want, but always seems to give the enemy something cool like the shrinky lightning, while you get lumped with a solitary bloody banana skin again. A banana skin you’ll inevitably skid on yourself in a lap’s time. But you keep on playing.

It cheats and robs you at every turn, but you take it – you keep taking it, going back for more. How on Earth?! It’s a mystery I’d be fired for acknowledging were this a review of Mario Kart. Fortunately this is a review of Snowboard Kids, and Snowboard Kids cheats and robs you at every turn, and sucks for it.

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Nintendo owns me for 2006

Stayed up last night to watch the live E3 Nintendo press conference on Gamespot. It was awesome, of course. Consider me on the waiting list for the Wii, and a very proud DS Lite owner.

Most incredible was the news that over 100 new games will be released for the DS between now and the end of the year. Joystiq has what appears to be the full list. Everyone doubted the DS’ ability to motivate third-party developers in the beginning, and the PSP was to survive on “at least” ports of PS2 titles, guaranteeing a steady stream of content.

A year on, and the PSP seriously lacks original games, whereas the DS is in danger of having too many. If I could only afford to play one new game a month, what in the world should it be? Starfox DS? Phoenix Wright 2? Tony Hawk’s Downhill Jam? New Super Mario Bros? Kirby DS? Big Brain Academy, Sudoku, and all the other Touch Generations games for adults? Yoshi’s Island 2? Lunar Knights? Final Fantasy 3????

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so incapable of making a decision, except when shopping for music. Imagine how much more the problem will be compounded by this time next year with even more games out for the Wii. The effect of this veritable carpet bombing of fun is that I don’t even have time to consider an Xbox 360 or a PS3. Great strategy, Nintendo. If you can deliver so hard on just 2 (unique) platforms, why should anyone consider another?

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Run a white man (with a Japanese voice) through walls!

I just beat this Japanese Pepsi Flash game and got the above “Memorial Banner” to show for it. Whoohoo! Try it out. Being a rhythm game, it was too sluggish on my old G4 to complete easily, so I had to close all other open apps.

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Hi, I’m a PC. And I’m a Bike.

Here’s a true story from folklore.org about how the Macintosh was going to be called the Bicycle, until smarter heads prevailed in the development team. Why didn’t more people at Nintendo refuse to call it the Wii? Surely Satoru Iwata can’t be scarier than Steve Jobs was in the 1980s!

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New Mac ads

Apple has made good on their promise to deliver new ads focused on the benefits of Macs over PCs. Specifically OSX and the bundled iLife suite. There are 6 ads in the campaign, and I like just about all of them. They’re clean, easy to understand, cute, and funny. Link

The new Get A Mac blitz also features 14 reasons why you should do so, and debunks 6 old reasons people used to give about Switching. All very neat. I can tell you how it’s all true and I’ve had hardly a bad moment on this computer in the last 2 years, but you’d just call me biased. I love my Mac. So much so that even as great new models come out, and I get closer and closer to affording one, I’m actually happy to keep on working and living with this old model as long as it lasts. That’s something that never happened in my 18 years of buying, building, and upgrading PC desktops.