The Tell-Tale Heart Monitor
Woot.com has the greatest product descriptions ever to be posted on the internet. Seriously. I want to find out who their writer is, kiss his feet, and beg for pupilage. Witness this killer sales copy: for a wrist-mounted blood pressure monitor today, entitled The Tell-Tale Heart Monitor, written in the precise style of Edgar Allan Poe.
The Tell-Tale Heart Monitor
Finally you did it. You killed the old man. He was not an evil man – most thought him kind, despite a galling inability to prevent his Pekingese from voiding its bowels upon your basil plants. But O! his monstrous eye! Knowing that he looked upon you through that clouded and diseased orb…it could have driven one of lesser mettle to distraction, even to madness. But now the eye lies beneath the very boards you tread, with the head, the limbs, the trunk, and all the rest. In pace requiescat!
But hark! What was that? That low, dull, quick sound—
A passing constable approaches your dooryard, inquiring about your new wrist-watch. You laugh! “Does a mere wrist-watch chronicle systolic pressure, diastolic pressure, and pulse-rate? Show me the common timepiece that can store up to 30 readings for two different people! Where, pray tell, runs a wrist-watch with the endorsement of the German Hypertension League? ‘Pon my wrist dwells none but the Mark of Fitness WS-820Q Wrist-Mounted Blood Pressure Monitor – no mundane wrist-watch, sir! And I certainly did not kill a guy and stuff his body under my floorboards, if that’s what you’re getting at!”
How queerly now the constable regards you. Has he not ears? Has he not eyes? See how the old man’s heart skips – it skips, perhaps, in fear — and the Mark of Fitness WS-820Q Wrist-Mounted Blood Pressure Monitor testifies of the irregularity! How keen your hearing! The fool does not hear, but you hear — and now you see as well! It is as close as your wrist! There, on the screen — the beating of his hideous heart!
I’ve been having this strange pain over the past few days. On my left side, in the middle of my torso, around the bottom of my ribs. Except it’s not internal, it’s the skin itself that hurts. It’s become unusually sensitive and rubbing my shirt against it feels like sandpaper. Everything looks completely normal, except the discomfort is very annoying. I think it could be some nerve damage?
Peishan suggested it was breast cancer, but it’s really not in the right place. Or the wrong place. Check out this Canadian breast cancer awareness campaign. A hot woman gets naked and invites you to check out her breasts, in the spirit of public education. God bless Canada.
Irresponsible 3am purchase
Well, no. I’m not regretting it.
True Swing Golf for the Nintendo DS looks like a great way to spend a few relaxing minutes each day. I’m not a big golf game fan, although I did spend a lot of time with Mario Golf (GBA) a couple of years back and back-pedalled on buying Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 (DS) off eBay after reading negative reviews. I thought I would be okay without a golf game for my DS, but True Swing Golf has weakened my resolve with 3 points:
1) Proper touch-screen control. You move the club with the stylus and that’s it. No weird “draw a perfect U-shape” mechanism here.
2) FIFTEEN courses! I’m usually happy with five.
3) The price is right. I mean, really right!
USD$19.90/SGD$31.65, brand new, including delivery.
My wallet would be like, so empty
I have a new Mecca to someday visit, the 24hr Fifth Avenue Apple Store in New York. Check out the time-lapse movie of its opening, as thousands of people wait to walk through its glass cube entrance. It’s the most audacious storefront I have ever seen, and certainly the most beautiful.
Pick a man!
I’m conducting an informal survey today, asking women to pick 1 out of the 3 supposedly attractive Japanese men above. I fully expected one to be the clear winner, but it’s an even race at the moment. I think it could form the basis of a new personality test, as they are all quite distinct, and probably reflect latent desires in the people who choose them.
The source article can be found here. I’ll put results up later, but you may post your choice in the meantime.
Current results: 3 – 7 – 7