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Tag: Personal

  • Week 43.25

    Week 43.25

    Vertigo (1958) is a great film, because Hitchcock was a master. It’s also the title of a mediocre stadium rock song, because I love hating on U2.

    Unfortunately, vertigo is also something I experienced for the first time this week — I’m fairly sure I jinxed myself at some point earlier this year by saying out loud “I don’t have any problems”. It hit me on Friday night in the form of extreme dizziness and nausea, and even the walk to bed to sleep it off was difficult without support. It got better the next morning with the help of something called the Epley Maneuver, which I found online.

    Asking around, I discovered that this is a more common human experience than you’d think, with several people I know having suffered episodes. Some of them had dizziness lasting days, and yet it’s strangely not discussed like, all the time? From what I can tell, it’s probably something called benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV), where calcium deposits in your inner ear become dislodged and move around, screwing with your balance. I’ll be seeing a doctor next week to confirm it, but in any case there’s no known cure and it might keep happening for the rest of my life. It’s crazy that so many are just quietly living with this.

    Have I been self-diagnosing with the help of AI? Maybe? I did just sign up for Claude Pro after all, which I’ve mentioned finding more agreeable than ChatGPT. I made vibe-coded two little apps before being laid low: a primitive prototype of my long-gestating stealth game, Cat Creeper, and a tool for my book club to figure out how many chapters of any given book we should read in the coming week. That one is called Book Splitter, and I offer it here for any book clubs out there with a similar need to figure out stopping points conveniently near chapter breaks.

    It’s been a unique experience using Claude’s impressive capabilities alongside reading Asimov’s I, Robot, which foresaw many of our modern discourse around AI safety, and The Optimist at the same time, which has finally begun to chronicle some of Sam Altman’s questionable and unethical moves both at OpenAI and in his private life. The sections detailing his gaslighty, ungenerous, and cruel interactions with his sister Annie ironically reminded me of reading about Steve Jobs’s treatment of his daughter Lisa, in her memoir Small Fry.

    I just passed the part where Dario Amodei and other employees left to start Anthropic. Just as I try to avoid Meta and Google products because of their comparatively weaker stance on privacy versus Apple, it makes sense that some prefer Anthropic over OpenAI for a more cautious approach to AI.

    ===

    My mother-in-law stayed with us this week, which meant getting the newspaper in for her because that’s how some people still get their news. I was shocked to see how thin the physical Straits Times is these days — almost completely devoid of advertising, and on the whole maybe having 20% of the heft I remember from the 90s. It’s also S$1.10 now, up from the 50 to 80 cents I thought it was. Still, it was kinda nice (nostalgic) to sit at the dining table and read the paper in the morning.

    It was also the week where my favorite retro-game-hunting IRL streamer, 4amlaundry, went on a 5-day trip to Kansai, checking out thrift stores and exploring Osaka and Nara. I didn’t want to miss watching it live, so I tried explaining the whole concept of streamers to said mother-in-law, and got her to watch him with me for awhile on the TV, the whole time silently praying that he wouldn’t go look at the display cases of half-naked anime figurines that he sometimes checks out in those stores.

    Thankfully, that didn’t happen, and instead we watched him walk down countryside roads, eat at chain restaurants, and get knocked down by the aggressive deer in Nara. All of that made for some good conversation, so if you get the chance to introduce an elder to Twitch, it’s not the worst idea if you can avoid the NSFW aspects.

    Speaking of shows that you would hope won’t be awkward to watch with your parents or in-laws BUT ACTUALLY ARE, add the latest season of The Diplomat to the list. There’s a lot of cursing (I kinda expected that), and some sex scenes that maybe the producers thought were hot and their audience wanted, but are so unnecessary and desperate that they come across as unintentional comedy. Apart from that, it’s still a fun series that leans into unrealistic political drama, with some unexpectedly good writing (for a Netflix show). Just watch it on your own.

    ===

    I somehow forgot to mention the slate of new Apple products announced last week: M5-powered iPad Pros, a 14” basic MacBook Pro, and a spec-bumped Apple Vision Pro. The product lineup is designed to lead you to the conclusion that you should buy everything, because how do you choose between an 11” and 13” iPad Pro, and a 14” MacBook Pro?

    The 11” iPad size is portable for couch use, but the 13” becomes an advanced desk computer for creative work when paired with the Magic Keyboard and Pencil Pro. But if you’re going to be using it while deskbound, why not get a MacBook Pro with 24 hours of battery life (versus just 10 on the iPad), and the possibility of running local AI models and all kinds of other software that isn’t allowed on iPad?

    Making things harder is the fact that a 13” iPad Pro with accessories costs more than an “equivalent” 14” MacBook Pro, and they’re too costly for an average user like me to justify buying both. So the final decision was to hold out a little longer with my current M1-generation gear, and see what upgrades the 13” iPad Air gets next year — hopefully an M4 or M5 processor, ProMotion, and the aluminum Magic Keyboard currently exclusive to iPad Pro models.

    But bringing the M5 to the Apple Vision Pro makes it a better system to use and own for the next two years, while we wait for the next big leap forward in miniaturization. However as a casual user who only clocks a few hours a week, I couldn’t see myself upgrading for a faster chip alone. The more compelling improvement is a new “Dual Knit Band” that comes as standard, which sorta combines the previous Solo Knit Band and Dual Loop Band into one much-improved design.

    The best part is that this new band is also available as a standalone accessory, so I ordered one immediately for my first-gen AVP. It’s simply a marvel of engineering and feels incredibly premium. The build quality is off the charts, and the Fit Dial they’ve created to independently adjust both the back and top straps might be the most Apple-y thing they’ve shipped on an accessory since the Stainless Link Bracelet for the original Apple Watch.

    Thanks to this more comfortable and ergonomic band, I’d planned to spend more time with the AVP this week, until the vertigo and unusual weekly routine got in the way. Not gonna lie, my first thought during the vertigo attack, after “What if this never goes away and I’m disabled for life?” was “Does this mean I can’t use the Vision Pro anymore?”

  • Week 34.24

    Week 34.24

    It seems like there’s always something wrong, and I feel like it’s one problem after another these days. The same night as my near-death experience (previously on…), I came home to find that our bedroom’s air-conditioning had died instead. It would put out only semi-cool air, then just regular air, in a cycle that lasted all night. The next day, I dragged a standing fan into the room to make things a little more livable. A few nights later, when Kim returned from Australia, we started to sleep in the living room where the air-conditioning still works.

    What followed was a series of visits by different servicemen, each finding something legitimately “wrong” but none ultimately solving the problem. There was the simple fact that the unit was clogged and dirty — despite another company just having “cleaned” it two months ago. They did a regular wash (S$66), but had to return on Wednesday for a deep chemical overhaul (S$150), and a washing of the outdoor compressors ($50). When that didn’t solve it, it was discovered that the outdoor compressor was flashing an error message, and the entire power PCB (printed circuit board) needed replacement ($711.50). FWIW it’s a Mitsubishi Starmex system; future buyers beware.

    One week later, and the problem still hasn’t been addressed, and we’re still sleeping in the living room.

    I need to mention how this has lived in my head as a much bigger problem than it objectively is. After getting home from the hospital, I just wanted to lie in bed and have everything be absolutely NORMAL. To have no outstanding problems in the world — just being in a state of calm to mentally recover. But immediately, something was wrong in the home, a psychological intrusion in my metaphorical safest space. This has just made me an anxious freak all week, feeling low and spiraling into worst-case scenarios. Like, what if they find there’s a problem with the piping in the walls and need to hack them out in our bedroom? What if this is going to cost even more money than what’s already been spent? I do believe this is all likely in the coming week.

    Another source of anxiety is the actual repair visits themselves: not only is there cleaning up to do after (which I couldn’t really with a foot injury), but our compressor units are installed outside the bedroom window, over a fragile “roof” that probably can’t take a person’s full weight. To work on them, a technician has to climb out (one even did it without safety gear) and stand precariously on a tiny parapet, dangerously close to either tumbling into our living room or down several storeys. At work, seeing all the things that can go wrong is my superpower, but it’s not a useful one to have right now.

    On the bright side, my foot is much better already, and I’m able to walk normally enough to go out for short periods. I expect I’ll be back to normal in another week. Whenever the feelings of doom reach a critical point, I remember that I’m actually alive and uninjured, and a lack of air-conditioning rarely (but not never) kills anyone, and then I get a spiritual HP reset. I just need to think like that all the time and take it easy.

    ===

    Once I was able to hobble well enough, we went to see Trap (2024), which lived up to my expectations of a fun little outing. As of right now, Shyamalan’s second wind as a maker of tight little B-films based on killer elevator pitches is looking pretty sustainable, and I’m hoping for many more. Next, I’m gonna finish watching the final season of Servant, his series on Apple TV+.

    We also had time for a quick lunch with Uma of Goggler Malaysia, a media criticism outlet after my own heart that I encourage checking out even if you, like me, have nothing to do with Malaysia on a regular basis. They do a fun podcast and publish spot-on film and television reviews. We talked about his new Apple Vision Pro and I outed myself as someone who’s never seen any of the Godfather films. But I’ve taken the first step: buying the entire trilogy on the US iTunes Store at the current sale price of US$9.99. I’m planning to watch it in the AVP’s Cinema environment someday soon.

    Finally, we visited the Olafur Eliasson exhibition at the Singapore Art Museum (Tanjong Pagar Distripark) with Cien, Peishan, and James. I say finally because this visit has been postponed three times on account of our various illnesses and accidents. Unfortunately I was not moved by anything, and it felt like a series of science experiments crammed into a small soulless space that lends no gravitas or beauty to an artist’s work.

    I remember the original SAM fondly, and hope the museum will move back into its former space off Orchard Road although that’s looking more unlikely. The news can sugarcoat it all they like, but calling a remote concrete slab beside a container port ’eminently suited for contemporary arts purposes’ is a stretch. I’d love to see the so-called ‘positive feedback from visitors’ they’re receiving. Art doesn’t belong out somewhere you need shuttle buses for people to encounter it. The museum’s rightful place is wherever ordinary people are already going.

    Olafur Eliasson’s ‘Your curious journey’ at SAM
    These were from an Indonesian pop art collection at Gajah Gallery
  • Week 33.24: A close call

    Week 33.24: A close call

    The last update almost became my final one, because I nearly died this week!

    We got the tragic news that a good friend’s dad had passed away (there have been so many cases of this lately), and as Kim is out of town, I was about to go down to the funeral wake for the both of us. I booked a Grab (local Uber-like) ride around a quarter-to-six, and headed down to meet him when it looked like he was close enough.

    As I approached the pick-up point, I saw the car approaching and waved at him, walking continuously down the stairs to the road as I watched him do a three-point turnaround to come at me from the right direction. But suddenly, instead of slowing down for me to get in, the car suddenly lurched forward at full speed. At this point, I was maybe at the very last step down, and the car was coming directly towards me instead of parallel, like you would when picking a passenger up.

    In that moment, my first thought was “is he trying to scare me, as some sort of joke?” This was followed by alarm as he was clearly not slowing down, and then a last-minute instinct to back away. The next thing I saw was the car slamming into the short wall beside the step I was just on, as I fell back on my ass. And then I was covered in debris, missing both shoes, and feeling pain beginning to spread through my legs as shock began setting in.

    I’m quite sure I was hit in the right knee at some point — there’s silver car paint on my jeans to prove it. I recall feeling my left foot being squeezed inside my shoe for just a fraction of a second before it slipped out, as my weight shifted backwards as I fell. Both shoes were later recovered underneath either side of the car. I was there at the point of impact, and then I wasn’t.

    Afterwards, an alternate memory emerged: the car may have hit the wall on the other side first, changing its trajectory towards me, but this initial impact would have dampened its speed. Perhaps my knee was only clipped by a part that was already damaged, explaining how I got a paint transfer without a broken kneecap.

    I remember people nearby running over after hearing the crash, yelling for an ambulance and the police to be called, telling me to stop trying to get up (I backed away from the car on my hands and tried to see if my legs were still unbroken), and to wait for help to arrive. A very kind man took off and came back with a cold can of Pocari Sweat for me; a neighbor I know came and kept me calm by talking things through; and the driver called for help.

    After trying unsuccessfully to call Kim, I took some photos and figured out that my legs were still attached, although moving my left ankle and right knee hurt. The police and paramedics arrived in about 10 minutes and checked me out. I was still shaking from the adrenaline and giving them too much detail, like apologizing that my feet were very sweaty right now as they peeled my socks off. They decided that I might have some fractures and would need to go to the hospital for scans as this was going to be in a police accident report.

    Side note: I don’t really know what happened yet. The driver claims he was trying to brake but the car didn’t respond. I overheard the police interviewing him and asking if there was any chance he mistook the pedals and accelerated instead. I suppose there will be an investigation.

    As I was being loaded into the ambulance, I heard the ominous approach of cars and imagined them crashing into us, and realized that this episode might end with a lasting, debilitating fear of going outside after I’d recovered. I anticipated PTSD, nightmares, and other new items to put in my therapy cart.

    What followed was a couple of hours waiting in the A&E/ER department of a general hospital, trying to joke with the orderlies, and getting x-rayed by about five young people at once who might have never done it before? But no complaints for me, everyone was incredibly nice and got me through it. The verdict, no major fractures (time will tell if there are hairline fractures, specifically two weeks of observation time), and I was lucky to get away with bruises and sprained ligaments.

    A tale of two ankles

    Amusingly, this care even extended to a small nick on my right ankle that was noted by the doctors. Although the pain was concentrated elsewhere, they promised they’d clean that “wound” and dress it for me before leaving. They did so fastidiously, washing it in antiseptic fluid and applying an antibiotic gel and bandage. Then I was also given a supply of said antiseptics and antibiotics to care for it at home. The bandage fell off after my shower and, despite being a delicate hypochondriac, I was happy to just slap a band-aid on it.

    The whole time, from when I was in the ambulance (intrusive thoughts wanting to say “amberlamps” out loud), until the next day, I kept hearing Kanye’s “Through The Wire” in my head, specifically the line “Look at how death missed his ass / Unbreakable, what you thought they’d call me Mr. Glass?” I really want to see M. Night Shyamalan’s Trap (2024), by the way.

    Forty-eight hours later, the reality that I almost didn’t make it still feels surreal. I joked around a bit on Instagram and repeated the story to people who asked, but I don’t know what it means yet. The only nightmare I’ve had was about my malfunctioning air-conditioning unit at home—a small-potato problem in comparison. Part of me expected to emerge like Jeff Bridges in Fearless (1993), recklessly putting myself in risky situations with a newfound sense of invincibility. But then I remembered Final Destination (2000), where death stalks its survivors, biding its time for another strike. That thought put me off from celebrating my good fortune, and I’ve just been sitting on these thoughts since.

    I know that if I had arrived downstairs just a couple of seconds earlier, I would have made it down to the road level and been directly in the car’s path, with no wall beside me to stop it. All I had to do was take another step forward, and both legs and my pelvis would have been crushed between the car and the wall (which stands unscathed today). Bones would have shattered beyond repair, blood would be everywhere, everyone nearby would have passed out from the gore. If I survived that at all, the next few years would still be passed in immeasurable pain and I doubt I’d have the strength or will to keep going.

    What does it really mean to miss that outcome by half a meter? Probably nothing, right? Because we’re surrounded by chaos and death is always just a coin toss away? So I guess it might be back to normal life for me, sans new epiphanies. At least I hope, but when my foot feels better and I finally leave the house, I might find myself paralyzed with fear just trying to cross the street. I guess we’ll see.

    But I have come out of this with some practical advice, which I will now share with you.

    1. Always carry a power bank: When they said I’d have to go to the hospital and might only be discharged the next day, I wasn’t worried because I had my phone and enough power to get through a whole day. I used my phone for so much during this time: updating people, notifying Grab about the accident (1 star), paying the bill. You don’t want to worry about battery life. Bring a power bank with you everywhere. This tiny Anker one has an integrated USB-C port, supports fast charging, and a 5,000mAh capacity.
    2. Wear your shoes loose: It might not help if you’re hanging upside down by your sneakers, but my loose laces might have saved at least one foot from being crushed in the moment. I hope to one day see the dash cam footage of the crash, because how I ended up jumping back and leaving both shoes behind is a bit of a mystery.
    3. Play more video games: Let your kids play them too, because everyone should train their reflexes. When the moment comes, you don’t want to be the person who freezes up. You want jumping, running, dodging, and picking up gold coins to be second nature. Somebody asked me, “Why not sports instead of video games?” Hey, I’m trying to be inclusive here. Not everyone likes sports!
    4. Take more photos: Another thing you want to come naturally at moments like these is taking photos. As evidence, for later reference, or just for sharing a story. You can’t tell yourself to remember this only when something big happens. Just train the muscle so you’re always capturing.
    5. Don’t assume anything about cars: I really got complacent around cars, and you don’t appreciate how heavy and powerful and dangerous they are until one comes at you fast. I’m never jaywalking again with a car “safely in the distance”. Be alert more. You don’t need music in your ears all the time, either.

    ===

    I had some other stuff I wanted to talk about before this happened, but they seem small now so I’ll just mention two things.

    The Halide iPhone camera app got an update that shoots photos without any AI-ish processing. They call it “Process Zero“. The resulting aesthetic is much more in line with regular cameras, and how iPhone photos used to look years ago. We’ve flown too close to the sun now, and everything is too bright, so this nostalgic return to the limits of physical lenses and sensors comes with a welcome, natural look. The above and this post’s Featured Image at the top were taken with this mode, plus editing of the underlying RAW file.

    Our home internet speed was suffering, so I did some troubleshooting and discovered the thin fiber optic cable between modem and wall access point had been coiled too tightly, and was even bent in one spot. After straightening it out, speed tests jumped noticeably. I even got a full gigabit up and down to my iPhone on WiFi 6, not even 6E.

    Stay safe out there. With any luck, I’ll see you next week!

  • Week 30.24

    Week 30.24

    An enduring memory/scar I have from my university days is watching a documentary on the UK’s Channel 4 called Fat Girls and Feeders. It was about women who were extremely overweight (the term ‘morbidly obese’ may not be strong enough), to the point of being completely dependent on others for everything, and the (non-fat) men who liked and kept them that way. These women were immobile prisoners, either confined to bed or needing support to get around their homes, which were fitted with handlebars and accessibility fixtures everywhere. It was a saddening story of abuse and sadism in the guise of a consensual kink.

    But why am I mentioning this? Well, the week got off to an awful start with Kim slipping at home and pulling/spraining/tearing a leg muscle, badly enough that she couldn’t put any weight on it without wincing. So she’s spent the last six days lying in bed resting and icing it, and I’ve been the nursemaid and caregiver helping her to the bathroom, making dinner, fetching water, just being on call for whatever. And having gone through this, let me just say! Those feeder guys are really sick if they find this fun!

    Thankfully, the swelling has gone down and the pain is moderating. She can now get up and walk around slowly on her own, but sitting in certain positions still hurts. It’ll probably be a few more weeks before life gets back to normal, but this was an eye-opening preview of elderly life and if we don’t make it rich enough to afford the best AI robocare, then I hope I die before I get old.

    ===

    • 📺 We’ve been watching Netflix’s new Japanese reality series, The Boyfriend. I’d hoped it would be a spiritual successor to my beloved Terrace House, only with gay men, but it doesn’t quite capture the essence of what made TH great. Perhaps because of what happened with TH, the commentary panel here never goes too hard on the ‘contestants’, but more than that, I think it’s just a different sort of show. Terrace House was more about watching young people learning to live together and develop over a longer period, whereas The Boyfriend is overtly about “finding love” and takes place over just a few weeks.
    • 📺 We also resumed and finished Season 8 of Below Deck after a break of several months. My usual complaints about Captain Lee’s leadership apply: he’s not hands-on at all, communication is poor, and his boundaries/consequences aren’t clear and can’t be taken seriously. However, because this season took place in Feb–Mar 2020, just as Covid was brewing, seeing the crew get increasingly ominous updates from family abroad and ultimately being shut down two charters early makes for an interesting document of a very strange time.
    • 📺 The season finale of Apple TV+’s true crime/courtroom drama Presumed Innocent came out on Wednesday, and I think they stuck the landing. It’s one of the better shows on the service, and has apparently been renewed for a second season, which I assume will feature a completely new story and setting, in the manner of True Detective.
    • 📺 I’ve started on Season 1 of The Big Door Prize, also on Apple TV+, and think it’s rather good. It’s about a small town that receives a mysterious machine that tells you what your potential is, and soon everyone is reevaluating their lives and having crises. But it’s also a comedy with surprising emotional depth.
    • 🎬 I watched the seminal short film La Jetée (1962) on MUBI and immediately thought, ‘Oh this is quite like 12 Monkeys’, and unfortunately saw its twist ending coming. I wrote “√12 Monkeys” on Letterboxd, thinking I was very clever. Then I looked it up and hey, 12 Monkeys was explicitly inspired by La Jetée, so that makes sense. Despite that, it’s a must-watch because the form of it (a slideshow of black and white stills with a voiceover) is ingenious and works so well to create a slippery narrative vehicle: is this all a document? A memory? An oral story passed around in a broken future? —4 stars.
    • 🎬 I also watched The Bat Woman (1968), a truly terrible B-movie, only because it was due to leave MUBI. It reminded me of some schlocky sci-fi Singaporean films from the 60s that I’ve seen at film festivals; the acting is either hammy or wooden, the special effects are often just literal toys, and the story is a nonsensical farce. A rich lady solves crimes as Batwoman, which is also her Lucha wrestling persona (I suppose to sidestep any copyright claims), and helps the police catch a mad scientist who is trying to breed a fishman monster. It ends with a sexist joke: Batwoman, in her civilian clothes celebrating victory with two male partners, screams and hides upon seeing a mouse while the men laugh. —1.5 stars.
    • 🦻 Very little music was played this week, but I enjoyed a run-through of Jesse Malin’s first album, The Fine Art of Self Destruction, in preparation for Silver Patron Saints, the tribute album due out in September to raise awareness and funds for his recovery. It will feature covers by Bruce Springsteen, Willie Nelson, Bleachers, Counting Crows, Dinosaur Jr., Lucinda Williams and Elvis Costello, The Wallflowers, Spoon, and many more.
    • Oh I nearly forgot! XG released Something Ain’t Right, the first single from their second mini-album (out 8 Nov) and it’s another banger!
  • Week 17.24

    Week 17.24

    I turned 44. After a minor celebration, I expected to start figuring out my new daily routine, but then some bad news landed and things got worse very quickly in the first half of the week.

    It was only two weeks ago that I mentioned how a family friend, someone who was a significant presence for most of my youth, was recovering from surgery while battling cancer, and now I’m sad to record that she didn’t make it. Cancer is especially cruel because it tells you to expect the worst, and still manages to surprise. I thought we’d have more time. And this happened far away, across screens and apps, limiting how much I could know and help — so the loss was twice a void, and the fact of death was conveyed by a sequence of lit-up pixels on an iPhone.

    Part of what inspired me to take some time off was how I felt unable before to give important things like this my full attention. There were moments I almost didn’t answer messages or pick up the phone quickly enough for a literal life and death matter, because of something else that should have been a distraction at best. Together with other things I want to focus on more, it felt like a recalibration of priorities was due.

    In the following days, it seemed like I couldn’t escape darker subjects. I tuned into NHK and landed on a grim documentary about middle-aged hikkikomori dying of starvation alone in their homes, unable to support themselves after their elderly parents passed away. I tend to think of these types of shut-ins as being in their 20s and 30s, temporarily retreating from society after some setbacks in their late-school or early-work years, but these were people in their 60s who never recovered even after four decades. For a brief moment, I wondered if that might still be in my future, but decided I would rather face the worst case of agoraphobia than run out of food at home.

    I also finished Sequoia Nagamatsu’s How High We Go In The Dark somewhat unwillingly, because of how crushingly depressing it is at points. The Goodreads-like app that I’m testing, Bookshelf, has a feature called “Book Chat”, where you can discuss what you’re reading with an AI, and I told it that I couldn’t go on. It replied that “the book does touch on some heavy themes, especially in the beginning, but as you progress, you’ll notice a beautiful blend of hope, resilience, and human connection.” It was not wrong (probably plagiarized that from a bunch of reviews), but the book continued to be challenging through to the end. It’s one of those novels where multiple threads and characters finally come together and make sense as a coherent world, and manages to sidestep feeling forced or corny (although several parts should have). It was, to me, mostly a story about letting people go, and an unexpectedly sci-fi one at that.

    ===

    It feels trivial to mention our new television now, but it provided an avenue for escape and “self-care”. At any other time, I would not have been able to shut up about how I’d been a fool to hang onto that old HD screen for nearly a decade, when the upgrade to 4K HDR is such a dramatic one. Especially given how much stuff I watch. If there’s a lesson here, it’s to stop denying yourself the small pleasures you can afford and enjoy them while you can.

    ===

    Media activity:

    • We finished Shogun, which is the most effective reminder to the world in years that Japan has a very weird relationship with death and suicide. Anna Sawai (Mariko) redeems herself here from the part she played in Monarch: Legacy of Monsters, but the MVP is Moeka Hoshi’s (Fuji) adorable haircut, which looks like two flappy dog ears on either side of her forehead.
    • I linked to Sawai’s Wikipedia page instead of her IMDb one because it contains the fact that she was an idol in the group Faky up to 2018. I thought the name sounded familiar, and it’s because another member, Mikako, appeared on the Netflix season of Japanese reality dating show, Is She The Wolf?, that I am NOT actually recommending here.
    • I saw the final episode a few months ago and LOLed when the scene below came on. In summary: One or more of the women were secretly told to be The Wolf and string the men along, and if any of the men chose them as partners, game over. So if you’re a Japanese TV producer, what do you do to ensure everyone remembers the show’s name? Put the women in cartoony wolf suits during the emotional, tearful reveal of course.
    • In an effort to save some money, I’m going to follow in Jose’s footsteps and pause my Netflix subscription while catching up on everything else we haven’t seen on Apple TV+ and Amazon Prime Video.
    • I have many unfinished shows on Netflix, and many of them are so bad they’ll probably stay that way, but I wanted to finish the last three episodes of The Makanai: Cooking for the Maiko House before my subscription ends, and they were really beautiful. Hirokazu Kore-eda depicts familial ties and friendships with an intentional, unmistakable worldview that makes nearly everything he’s done among my favorites. In a show like this with innocence and sweetness at the core, he goes to the wall for it without worrying about realism. The ugliness of the world still exists, but set aside out of frame, as if to say “now is not the time”.

    Coming back to what I said earlier, that might be one of my new sabbatical goals: to develop the resolve and clarity to make room for important things, and to everything else say, “now is not the time”.

  • Week 16.24

    Week 16.24

    I listened to Maggie Rogers’s new album a lot more this week. At a scant 36 minutes, it was nearly the perfect length for my commute into the office. And I went in every day this week, for maybe the first time in the four years since Covid, which seemed appropriate for my last full week after seven years with the company.

    Yes, as mentioned a couple of weeks ago, the sabbatical is underway. I’m looking forward to having more time on my hands to focus on a few important areas (my vast media backlog being one of them). For how long? I don’t know yet, and frankly, I’m not ready to consider it. If there’s one thing I learnt from the last time around, it’s that approaching leisure with a planning and productivity mindset is for amateur layabouts. Still stressed while doing nothing? Skill issue. You have to let your time go wherever it wants.

    In the process of saying goodbye to the team I’ve loved working with, a few more people learnt about this blog’s existence. Hopefully they’ll forget to come back. But watching over their shoulders as they browsed it the other day, I realized some of these posts are really too long so I’ll keep this week’s short.

    I knew I wasn’t getting away without a farewell, but made clear that I’m not a fan of the greeting cards that everyone signs or writes something in — make it an NFT and send it to my wallet, I said. That way I’ll never lose it. They didn’t quite do that, but I was super pleased to receive a PDF document loaded with photos and messages, now safely stored on the cloud. Ben and Munz even remembered my fondness for the poem, Miss you. Would like to grab that chilled tofu we love., by Gabrielle Calvocoressi, and included a remixed version that makes reference to our shared places and memories (albeit treating me like a dead and departed person), and remains incredibly powerful for it.

    Where was I? Oh yes, Maggie Rogers. Listening to her reminded me to go back and spend more time with the music of boygenius, and I discovered their live cover of Shania Twain’s You’re Still the One for BBC Radio 1, which is simply life-giving. I think it’s Shania’s finest pop song, up there with Mariah’s Always Be My Baby, and this version sublimely elevates the core melody.

    In sort of the same North American indie rock vein, I’ve been enjoying the music of Rosali (last name Middleman), specifically her new album Bite Down and 2021’s No Medium. I was stumped trying to provide a description so I asked Google’s Gemini AI, which suggested that her music is similar to Neil Young and The War On Drugs, and I don’t feel that’s inaccurate! It’s early days and I don’t know her albums inside out yet, but first impressions were strong.

    I don’t feel the same way about Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department which admittedly has only been out for a day, but I’ve played it through twice in the background and felt nothing. My expectations were already set low because of its cringey title. I’m in agreement with the reviews calling out the bland sameness from song to song — perhaps Jack Antonoff has finally exhausted his creative run and needs to take some time off too. Double albums are tricky. They need variety, progression, and invention to provide signposts and avoid being unmemorable mazes. Even some of the greatest double albums in history are hard to appreciate all at once. I’m deleting it from my library for now because keeping it around makes me feel obliged to take it in.

    But I’m really looking forward to the new Billie Eilish album coming next month after hearing her talk to Zane Lowe about it. The 14-second sample of Chihiro that she shared might have more life in it than all two hours of Taylor’s tortured poetry.

    ===

    Late Sunday evening note: We finally got a new TV after 9 years, just in time for my upcoming jump in screen time. It’s coming next week.

  • Week 14.24

    Week 14.24

    I’ve gone and given myself another sabbatical. I’m looking forward to getting ‘important’ things done, like reading till my Kobo dies so I can buy a new one with USB-C charging, finally playing the new Zelda, watching Tampopo for the first time, exploring our public libraries, drawing a couple more Misery Men, and listening to finance podcasts because I need to graduate from roboadvisors. This will also involve stepping into a sort of low power mode when it comes to spending: public transportation, teabags instead of Nespresso pods, no new TV or PS5, canceling YouTube Premium…

    Some people asked when I made the decision or started to think about time off, but I couldn’t realistically pin a date on the donkey. I started to look through recent updates and found that I mentioned needing more videogame time as recently as two weeks ago, but it was definitely on my mind before.

    Perhaps the seeds of this extended leisure were planted during the final weeks of my last funemployment break, as seen in this post where I suddenly found a bunch of new interests and projects just as my freedom time was running out. I’d forgotten so much about that period until I started to re-read old entries while writing this update; a sort of climbing back into a dream after visiting the bathroom at night. This is week #197, which means I’ve been at this for nearly four years, and I must say it’s been worth it.

    It’s safe to assume I’m looking forward to this break, but I’ll definitely miss many aspects of working with the team I’ve been part of for the past seven years — a side of my life I deliberately omit here, but consequently won’t have an extensive external memory of to revisit (apart from photos, chats, and remnants of the work we’ve done floating out in the world).

    On that note, a few of us attended a community-run service design meetup on Serangoon Road Thursday and were surprised by the large turnout. One lovely thing that happened: we met a young designer working at one of our earliest clients, in the experience team we had a hand in setting up. Hearing from her that the work I did is still being used and built upon, helping to drive customer experience at one of the best brands in its category, felt like a nice bookend to this phase of mUh cArEeR.

    I don’t know what I’ll do next, but have no plans to think about it for at least a few months.

    ===

    Media activity:

    • How are we supposed to build memories on digital copyright quicksand? I noticed that track 14 of Vultures 1 has disappeared from Apple Music, at least in Singapore. More than the fluctuating prices, algorithms influencing commerce influencing art, and the shitty business model for musicians, the impermanence and lack of ownership might be my least-favorite thing about the shift to streaming.
    • According to the song’s Genius page, the song was also removed from Spotify back in February owing to “clearance issues”. My relationship with music would definitely be different if I’d grown up with mixtapes that could suddenly have gaps of silence in them after you’d given them away.
    • We finished Season 2 of Below Deck Down Under, and as I’ve said before, these two Australian seasons show some of the best teamwork and leadership (although not without the drama that people watch this show for) out of all the Below Deck we’ve seen (easily over 100 episodes, oh my life…) and it’s simply down to Captain Jason and Chief Stew Aesha acting like adults, communicating openly, and not being lazy. We’ll probably head back to Season 8 of the main show after this and I’m dreading being back under the command of Captain Lee.
    • I tried to resume watching Three Body Problem on Netflix despite online comments that it gets too slow and boring. The fourth episode certainly was, and I almost gave up, writing in my notes that it was “such a shame an intriguing premise can be flatly shot, shoddily paced, and annoyingly acted into mere weekend background fodder.” And then I saw episode 5, which features a bonkers CGI-heavy set piece in the middle plus a lot more going on, and now I’m back in.

  • Week 45.22

    Caturday: We picked up our new ragdoll kitten (Cubie “QB” Catbot aka QBasic aka Cubit 3000 aka Yung Cubes aka Cubie Gooding Jr.) and the trip home was a lot less dramatic than I had psyched myself up to expect. No vomiting, screeching, weaponized feces or anything of that sort. Upon getting her home though, things were a little ambiguous. Introducing a cat to a new environment is massively stressful for them somehow — they are my spirit animals, I guess — and she took hours to come out from hiding under the bed and armchair of our guest room.

    When I fed her later in the evening, she seemed to be afraid that the food wasn’t really hers to have. She ate a little and watched my reactions. Thinking maybe she needed to be alone, I left the room for over half an hour and hoped she would finish it. But instead, it was barely touched at all. Before taking it away, I thought I’d give it one last try. Sitting on the floor at her level, I nudged the bowl forward with my knuckles and waited. And finally for some reason she realized that it was okay and wolfed it all down in a minute.

    The framework for all this in my mind, every minute, is that I am a giant ape and she’s a wild feline, and all our interactions are going to be weird by nature. I’ve been talking to her in a range of different pitches (as in tones, not propositions, but I suppose also propositions!) to get her used to what I sound like, explaining the absurdity of our situation: that she was bred to take the money that this ape has earned by doing advanced ape cognition tasks in an office environment, and although the ape now owns her in the eyes of a legal system, she’s really the boss at this very moment so could she please come out from under the bed?

    Yes I’ve watched some Jackson Galaxy videos and read a bunch of articles. Yet her mind is still absolutely illogical and knowing what her tail movements mean only confuses matters. Ape and cat conventions are not very compatible! Instead of smiling and staring, you have to blink At them slowly and obviously to show you’re being friendly! Absurd stuff.

    Despite the initial distance and wariness, which absolutely everyone has prepared us for and that I’m prepared to endure for days, she has at least shown that she’s comfortable enough to pee and poop in the allocated box on the first night. Which in some cases does not happen in the first, second, and maybe even third days. I’ll repeat this fun fact: cats can hold their pee in for days.

    Reprogramming my aversion to messes, bacteria, excrement, and other catty chaos is going to take much longer. Yes I signed up for it, somewhat consciously. Some will say that this is character growth, but as I was fact-checking a joke before I made it, I discovered that it may also be parasitic growth that I need. You know that cats carry a single-celled brain-altering thing that infects mice and humans, right? It’s like a fungus that makes you like cats, and nudges your behavior in ways that serves cats. Given that I might be brainwashed by my new boss, I thought I’d look it up again and was surprised that 1) it’s really real and 2) for some reason we’re not all talking about this all the time.

    They say something like ONE-THIRD of all humans on Earth are already infected with this parasite, which creates permanent cysts in the brain that mess with dopamine production, essentially making its victims (cat owners) more uninhibited and likely to take risks (and also more likely to cause car crashes). It’s like that Jeff Bridges film, Fearless, where he survives a plane crash and comes out with a devil-may-care attitude to life, except you’d call this one Furless? Sorry.

    Anyway this parasite actually helps cats by infecting mice, which then become emboldened to step out in front of cats and become their dinners. It also makes the smell of cat feces attractive, luring them out. Not a stretch to imagine it also causes anxiety-ridden humans to be emboldened enough to let cats into their homes, creating new routines that they don’t really have time and energy for (sample size: one). Nature is truly terrifying and ingenious.

    In humans, the article linked above says that infection with toxoplasma gondii supposedly increases the likelihood of them quitting their jobs and becoming entrepreneurs, and amongst entrepreneurs, the ones who have been infected earn an average $6,000 more per year than the ones who have not. I’m surprised people aren’t microdosing this stuff in Silicon Valley.

    ===

    For reasons I can’t recall, the subject of Enneagram personality tests came up again at work; the last time this happened was maybe three years ago with a different set of people. I sat down to do the test at Truity.com and found that I was still the same: a Type 5. (Later, I would be told that your basic type doesn’t really change throughout life, so that’s another 15 minutes I won’t be getting back.)

    Your highest scoring category is the “Type” you are, and once you have your results from Truity, you can look up what it means for free over at this page by The Enneagram Institute instead of paying $29 to Truity.

    It gets more fun when you have people or some form of team to compare your type to, and explore your compatibility. Do I believe this stuff? Well, it’s not as bad as astrology: you basically provide the behavioral inputs and they make some logical assumptions about your preferred approaches to situations and tell you where you might be self sabotaging or not collaborating properly. So yeah I do find it pretty interesting, but then I would… because I’m a Type 5.

    ===

    I’m excited that Anna of the North has a new album out and will be checking it out as soon as I am able (currently listening out for yelps and mews). Have also been dying to revisit The Beatles’ Revolver in its newly remastered Atmos/spatial audio mix. On my sporadic commutes this week I’ve been playing Rx by ROLE MODEL, Stumpwork by Dry Cleaning, and Charcoal by Brambles. All three are new artists to me, all pretty cool so far.