Sometimes I pity these friends of mine

9:49:05 PM friend: hello
9:49:05 PM friend: i want beer
9:49:14 PM brandon: now?
9:49:16 PM brandon: let’s go
9:49:17 PM friend: and i feel uber grumpy
9:49:26 PM friend: cos someone stole my white sandals
9:49:28 PM friend: *cries
9:50:13 PM brandon: how did they get stolen
9:50:25 PM friend: from my door
9:50:31 PM brandon: maybe accident
9:50:40 PM friend: accident??
9:50:49 PM friend: our doorways are very far apart
9:50:50 PM friend: fuckers
9:51:19 PM brandon: =(
9:51:21 PM brandon: maybe a dog!
9:51:45 PM friend: hello
9:51:53 PM brandon: hello
9:51:56 PM friend: it can’t be a dog
9:52:05 PM brandon: oh you have proof?
9:52:05 PM friend: this floor has no dogs
9:52:16 PM brandon: dogs can climb stairs!
9:52:30 PM brandon: ok don’t feel bad
9:52:35 PM brandon: how about you imagine
9:52:52 PM brandon: a little girl with leukemia
9:52:57 PM brandon: was walking barefoot
9:53:08 PM brandon: home from the hospital
9:53:14 PM brandon: her parents just passed away
9:53:17 PM brandon: and she doesn’t know yet
9:53:19 PM brandon: nobody told her
9:53:23 PM brandon: so poor thing
9:53:29 PM brandon: she didn’t have money to pay the bills
9:53:34 PM brandon: so she snuck off from the hospital
9:53:40 PM brandon: to die alone in her family home
9:53:46 PM brandon: along the way, her feet were bleeding
9:53:47 PM friend:
9:53:51 PM brandon: and an intelligent dog
9:53:55 PM brandon: took pity on her
9:53:58 PM brandon: and stole your shoes
9:54:03 PM brandon: what floor do you live on?
9:54:14 PM brandon: the dog climbed x number of stairs to get them
9:54:17 PM brandon: the dog is also very old
9:54:21 PM friend: stoppit
9:54:24 PM brandon: and risked cardiac arrest by doing so
9:54:29 PM friend: my anger is the only way i can get over it
9:54:32 PM friend: pissed!!
9:54:35 PM brandon: anyway it has a happy ending, she has slippers now and she’s going home to die
9:54:44 PM brandon: fuck i think i’m going to cry
9:54:47 PM brandon: brb
9:54:51 PM friend: idiot
9:55:07 PM brandon: i’m not kidding!
9:55:29 PM brandon: ok back
9:57:53 PM brandon: how do you feel now
9:57:58 PM friend: sian

Japanese food products and candy, delivered for free

Candy freaks (I can think of one) may first be amazed, and then positively elated to hear that Play-Asia.com doesn’t just deliver games and DVDs to Singapore for free, but also “groceries”.


Above (L to R): Meiji Pucca Banana Choco (SGD$3.19), Bourbon Chotos Bitter Chocolate Rusk (SGD$4.00), Happy Cherry Candy (SGD$3.19). All prices include delivery.

Ramen freaks and MSG-addicts like myself will probably gravitate wallet-first towards these other products:


Above (L to R): Hello Kitty Dim Sum noodle bowl – Japanese Curry flavor (SGD$1.59), Nissin Cup Noodles – Pork Chowder(!) flavor (SGD$2.07), Baby Star Ramen Snack – 4 pack in Chicken/Mayonnaise/Tempura/Soy Sauce flavors (SGD$3.19).
All prices include delivery.

Here’s the main Groceries page with many more. Order away!

(Disclaimer: I receive a small commission under Play-Asia’s affiliate program when purchases are made after a visit originating from this site.)

Believe it or not, I was channelling James Earl Jones in Coming to America

I get so many random people messaging me on ICQ while trying to work, and I am explicitly NOT set on “Free to Chat” mode, but somehow the random feature finds me. Anyway, it gives me something to do on slow mornings. I try to believe that it’s amusing for them too, so I’m not losing sleep, thanks for asking.

(10:47:53) 287143814: hi
(10:48:02) brandon: hello
(10:48:18) brandon: i am prince ngatua of namibia
(10:48:37) brandon: i need your help
(10:48:42) brandon: and i can make you rich!
(10:48:58) 287143814: what’s happened
(10:49:06) brandon: rich beyond your wildest imagination
(10:49:17) brandon: i am being deposed by my evil prime minister
(10:49:26) brandon: i need to move my money offshore
(10:49:39) brandon: and then withdraw it again once i am in switzerland
(10:50:05) brandon: can you let me use your bank account? you will be in no great danger for
long
(10:50:07) 287143814: how can i believe u
(10:50:19) brandon: you will have to trust me, my friend
(10:50:22) brandon: i am prince ngatua
(10:50:24) brandon: a man of his word
(10:50:59) 287143814: I would like to invite you to an ICQ Xtra.To be able to accept this invitation you have to download ICQ 5.1.

To download now, go to http://www.icq.com/download
(10:51:16) brandon: i do not have this fancy new ICQ of yours
(10:51:22) brandon: i am running windows 95 here
(10:51:48) brandon: one day i hope to run free in the fields of the new Vista
(10:52:37) 287143814: i see
(10:52:59) brandon: so…
(10:53:06) brandon: can i have your bank account details please
(10:53:19) brandon: i will deposit 15 million dollars
(10:53:26) brandon: and you may keep 2 million for yourself
(10:53:34) 287143814: how can i believe u
(10:53:37) brandon: after i have fled the bloody coup that is now happening outside my palace walls
(10:53:49) brandon: PRINCE NGUATUA NEVER LIES!
(10:54:29) brandon: alright.
(10:54:35) brandon: i will let you keep 2.5 million
(10:54:37) brandon: final offer
(10:54:47) brandon: think of what you can do with 2.5 million dollars
(10:55:10) 287143814: i an pincess too
(10:55:35) 287143814: do you have picture
(10:55:38) brandon: then i will conquer your land, subjugate your menfolk, and fornicate with the ladies
(10:55:43) brandon: and you will be my blood queen
(10:56:02) brandon: of course i have pictures. but i have no scanner.
(10:56:13) brandon: my palace is adorned with many renditions of my grand visage
(10:57:05) 287143814: the most of pince can’t use the high tecnology
(10:57:13) brandon: your english is terrible
(10:57:22) brandon: and this is coming from an african prince
(10:57:32) brandon: nevertheless, it is not your linguistic ability i desire, but your bank account
(10:57:42) brandon: and now. the bank and number please.
(10:58:31) 287143814: how can i believe u u should offer evidence to prove what u said is true
(10:59:11) brandon: what country are you from that you have been raised so distrusting of people in power and government?
(10:59:23) brandon: are you oppressed by a totalitarian state?
(11:00:25) brandon: it is a shame that you do not know the freedom with which our children play and run in the fields of fallen aircraft and skeletal remains of buildings from the industrial age
(11:01:07) brandon: even the dust we eat is free to be shared by all; our common wealth excludes the notion of deceit and deception
(11:01:24) brandon: i, who have been raised amongst such peace-loving people, have no reason to lie to you.
(11:01:30) brandon: and now, your bank account number. please.
(11:02:12) 287143814: why do u haven’t bank account number?
(11:09:18) brandon: i’m back, sorry
(11:09:30) brandon: i went to arrange the transportation of my wine collection
(11:09:36) brandon: those fedex guys can be real bitches
(11:10:11) brandon: i have a bank account, but the prime minister may be able to access it with his powers of hypnotism
(11:10:32) brandon: i need someone safe, someone on the outside
(11:11:07) brandon: in my trusting ways, i have selected you… no, fate has selected you, as the one who will carry forth the treasure of my forefathers
(11:11:38) brandon: i can also use your credit card number. do you have visa or mastercard?
(11:15:32) brandon: hello?

The Pour

Have just discovered Eric Asimov’s wine blog on the New York Times website. Wine blogs may sound like a pretentious formulation to most, but he manages to humanize and deintellectualize a great deal of his thoughts. It could be a blog about a man in search of the perfect cheeseburger; the words have just been changed.

I wrongly assumed to begin with that he was the son of Issac, but it turns out he is a nephew (son of Issac’s brother). Here is an excerpt from the introduction of a post about Bordeaux.

Like many people who decided they wanted to learn about wine, Bordeaux was the first category I explored in those heady days of disposable income, just out of college with a real job, years before my kids were born.

Back then, in the early 1980’s, Bordeaux was a natural. It was a region with a clear structure and hierarchy. Information was relatively easy to come by. It was without equal in prestige, and the wines did not seem difficult to understand.

I made as thorough an examination as I could, culminating in a bottle of 1955 La Mission Haut-Brion that I bought to celebrate my parent’s 30th wedding anniversary in 1985. What a wine! I’ll never forget the combination of graceful elegance and intensity, the complex flavors, the savor in each sip. And of course, the occasion of drinking it with my parents made it memorable, too. My mom still keeps the empty bottle in her kitchen.

Too bad about the misplaced apostrophe there. O, nephew of Asimov, walk closer still to the path yon uncle tread!

MacBook Man

As seen on BoingBoing: Metafilter Matt does a brilliant impersonation of the Star Wars Kid with his motion-sensitive MacBook and the MacSaber app. Funniest comment comes from Anil Dash:

Dude, you know how you have a daughter? And you were worried about how someday a boy would show up on your doorstep, trying to date her?

PROBLEM SOLVED!

Now where did I put that Star Wars chopstick-saber video we made 4 years ago?

The Tell-Tale Heart Monitor

Woot.com has the greatest product descriptions ever to be posted on the internet. Seriously. I want to find out who their writer is, kiss his feet, and beg for pupilage. Witness this killer sales copy: for a wrist-mounted blood pressure monitor today, entitled The Tell-Tale Heart Monitor, written in the precise style of Edgar Allan Poe.

The Tell-Tale Heart Monitor

Finally you did it. You killed the old man. He was not an evil man – most thought him kind, despite a galling inability to prevent his Pekingese from voiding its bowels upon your basil plants. But O! his monstrous eye! Knowing that he looked upon you through that clouded and diseased orb…it could have driven one of lesser mettle to distraction, even to madness. But now the eye lies beneath the very boards you tread, with the head, the limbs, the trunk, and all the rest. In pace requiescat!

But hark! What was that? That low, dull, quick sound—

A passing constable approaches your dooryard, inquiring about your new wrist-watch. You laugh! “Does a mere wrist-watch chronicle systolic pressure, diastolic pressure, and pulse-rate? Show me the common timepiece that can store up to 30 readings for two different people! Where, pray tell, runs a wrist-watch with the endorsement of the German Hypertension League? ‘Pon my wrist dwells none but the Mark of Fitness WS-820Q Wrist-Mounted Blood Pressure Monitor – no mundane wrist-watch, sir! And I certainly did not kill a guy and stuff his body under my floorboards, if that’s what you’re getting at!”

How queerly now the constable regards you. Has he not ears? Has he not eyes? See how the old man’s heart skips – it skips, perhaps, in fear — and the Mark of Fitness WS-820Q Wrist-Mounted Blood Pressure Monitor testifies of the irregularity! How keen your hearing! The fool does not hear, but you hear — and now you see as well! It is as close as your wrist! There, on the screen — the beating of his hideous heart!

I’ve been having this strange pain over the past few days. On my left side, in the middle of my torso, around the bottom of my ribs. Except it’s not internal, it’s the skin itself that hurts. It’s become unusually sensitive and rubbing my shirt against it feels like sandpaper. Everything looks completely normal, except the discomfort is very annoying. I think it could be some nerve damage?

Peishan suggested it was breast cancer, but it’s really not in the right place. Or the wrong place. Check out this Canadian breast cancer awareness campaign. A hot woman gets naked and invites you to check out her breasts, in the spirit of public education. God bless Canada.

Check Out My Breasts

Irresponsible 3am purchase

Well, no. I’m not regretting it.

True Swing Golf for the Nintendo DS looks like a great way to spend a few relaxing minutes each day. I’m not a big golf game fan, although I did spend a lot of time with Mario Golf (GBA) a couple of years back and back-pedalled on buying Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 (DS) off eBay after reading negative reviews. I thought I would be okay without a golf game for my DS, but True Swing Golf has weakened my resolve with 3 points:

1) Proper touch-screen control. You move the club with the stylus and that’s it. No weird “draw a perfect U-shape” mechanism here.
2) FIFTEEN courses! I’m usually happy with five.
3) The price is right. I mean, really right!

USD$19.90/SGD$31.65, brand new, including delivery.
From Play-Asia.com

Pick a man!

I’m conducting an informal survey today, asking women to pick 1 out of the 3 supposedly attractive Japanese men above. I fully expected one to be the clear winner, but it’s an even race at the moment. I think it could form the basis of a new personality test, as they are all quite distinct, and probably reflect latent desires in the people who choose them.

The source article can be found here. I’ll put results up later, but you may post your choice in the meantime.

Current results: 3 – 7 – 7

Sennheiser CX300 canal-type earphones

I bought these Sennheiser CX300 earphones about 3 weeks back and they are, like, totally awesome. Amazon.com won’t deliver Consumer Electronics to Singapore, so you’ll have to pay about SGD$130 at Apple stores, or maybe about SGD$110 at Sim Lim Square. It would seem to not matter though, as consumer reviews consistently rate them better than Shure’s e2c earphones (and as good as the e3cs) which cost about SGD$200 here.

US-based readers should definitely look into getting a pair at the above price, if I could have, I would have bought two. They outperform the common Sony in-ear headphones that most people buy to replace their iPod buds (they definitely outperform those), with bass that isn’t muffled or too strong, great sound isolation, and a good strong cord (Sony ones have been known to biodegrade after contact with sweat). If you love your music, you owe it to yourself to ditch bundled earphones.

Incidentally, after I got these, my iPod ones broke open, and they are quite cheap and shitty inside with a little diaphragm made out of cellophane. I should have taken pictures.