Fancy a long meandering post about food?

Fancy a Chindian?* []

Imagine a parallel universe where everybody drives Ferraris, Porsches, Lamborghinis. Although this sounds like the set up for a bad Mercedes-Benz ad, what car do they upgrade to when they finally arrive in the world?

Or a nation of people who use Macintosh computers exclusively. Everyone uses a Mac. Everyone dresses in jeans and loose winter-toned fabrics. Just imagine. Wow, excuse me a minute while I change my underwear.

Yes, so everyone there uses a Mac. Who should be cast in the ads when Macs are finally surpassed by a new type of computer? What does this hero look like? How much more self-important and pretentious can an actor be?

The reason for that long preamble was to prepare you for the mindblowing concept that follows.

Somewhere in this world, there is a country where the people eat a certain kind of inferior food, day-in and day-out. Friends, the majority of us are already living in the equivalents of FerrariTown and MacVille. Consider that for a moment. We are quite blessed, compared to this land of people who consume the culinary cousins of Skodas, Yugos, Hyundais, Dells, and generic beige box computers running Windows ME.

This country is England. And occasionally its poor inhabitants dine upon foreign foods that have been soaked in the mire of traditional British cooking, removing them far from the original designs.

I present to you an article from a British newspaper, written from the point of view of someone laughably titled a “Food Critic”. It explores what people in utopian countries such as China and India (seriously though, there’s a joke if ever I heard one) eat when they want something exotic.

* “Yes, please. Preferably young and attractive,” is not an appropriate answer.

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