Snickers from China are wack yo

I’ve been sick and too busy catching up on movies and blowing snot out my nose to complain about as many things as I’d have liked to, but here’s one. Can I? Can I just b&w in a childish petulant fashion about the state of Snickers candy bars in Singapore? They’re all made in China now, you know, and they really suck. I mean they’re crap. They’re shit. They’re not the same (preceding sentences for the benefit of search engines only).

Snickers Dark and Snickers Almond are STILL perfectly alright. That’s because Dark comes from the US, and Almond from Australia – traditional origin of all low-cost, Singapore-bound chocolate. The regular Peanut variety is made in China where apparently the caramel is way too sticky and sweet, and the nougat is so dense you’ll tire your jaw out from chewing on it. Dark and Almond are lighter with a more pleasant mouth-feel, and I believe the industry standard term is that the nougat is more highly “whipped”, although I wouldn’t repeat that phrase in public.
Sadly, the Dark and Almond bars weigh in at about 50g each, give or take, while the Chinese-made Snickers Peanut bars are 60g for the same price. But honestly, I’d rather have 50g of good old Peanut Snickers wrapped in milk chocolate with light nougat and caramel that doesn’t pull a long string out from my mouth like it was fucking mozzarella cheese, made back in the first world, and I’d pay good money for it. Goddamn you MARS CORPORATION INC. for screwing with my only late-night-working source of sugar!!!