sangsara.net

SBK: Snowboard Kids at Eurogamer.net

The game is shite, and to prove it, John Walker spends the first three paragraphs talking about another game altogether. Of course, he’s only doing the old contrasty set up writerly thing, but it’s so so good to read.

What I have learned is: Mario Kart is really, incredibly good. And further, I don’t know why. Mario Kart has unfair deaths, where despite your superb racing technique, and complete trouncing of the AI drivers, a giant blue turtle can still knock you off the track one inch from the finish line, robbing you of your hard-earned victory. You throw your arms up in disgust, swear the paint from the walls, and most likely call Princess Peach a bitch. Then you play again.

Mario Kart never gives you the drops you want, but always seems to give the enemy something cool like the shrinky lightning, while you get lumped with a solitary bloody banana skin again. A banana skin you’ll inevitably skid on yourself in a lap’s time. But you keep on playing.

It cheats and robs you at every turn, but you take it – you keep taking it, going back for more. How on Earth?! It’s a mystery I’d be fired for acknowledging were this a review of Mario Kart. Fortunately this is a review of Snowboard Kids, and Snowboard Kids cheats and robs you at every turn, and sucks for it.