Month: May 2006

E3 2006: Pac My Ride!
Originally uploaded by gfixler.

For Kim’s benefit.

4:16:07 PM mr worry: i’m playing mario
4:16:10 PM mr worry: super mario world
4:16:13 PM mr worry: have you ever?
4:16:37 PM pumpkineyes: yes
4:16:39 PM pumpkineyes: i like
4:16:40 PM mr worry: wow!
4:16:45 PM mr worry: this is my first time
4:16:49 PM mr worry: you had a super nintendo?
4:16:50 PM pumpkineyes: i like the mushrooms
4:16:55 PM pumpkineyes: my neighbour did
4:16:56 PM mr worry: i only played super mario bros on my NES
4:17:02 PM mr worry: i always wanted a super nintendo
4:17:02 PM pumpkineyes: oh wait
4:17:13 PM pumpkineyes: maybe mine is bros not world
4:17:15 PM pumpkineyes: urmm
4:17:18 PM pumpkineyes: whats the differene
4:17:18 PM mr worry: it’s confusing, there are numerous ones
4:17:25 PM mr worry: super mario bros. 1 to 3 were on NES
4:17:32 PM mr worry: then super mario world was the SNES version
4:17:37 PM mr worry: better graphics
4:17:42 PM mr worry: bigger enemies
4:17:52 PM mr worry: and you could ride yoshi the dinosaur
4:18:05 PM mr worry: and make him eat the turtles and spit them out
4:18:52 PM mr worry: i have it on my gameboy now…. like, 12 years after i wanted an SNES and my parents wouldn’t buy one.
4:19:03 PM mr worry: i finally got a job and bought one for myself!!
4:19:44 PM mr worry: shit, if you told me when i was 14 that i would have to wait 12 years to get a crappy job just so i could buy a handheld super nintendo and play super mario world, i would probably have committed suicide
4:20:20 PM pumpkineyes: hahaha
4:20:31 PM pumpkineyes: such a sad story
4:20:35 PM pumpkineyes: brings a tear to my eyes
4:20:38 PM mr worry: what an incredible journey
4:20:52 PM mr worry: it should inspire you
4:20:56 PM mr worry: dreams can come true
4:21:34 PM pumpkineyes: yes
4:21:44 PM pumpkineyes: *80s empowering music*
4:21:51 PM mr worry: haha
4:21:52 PM pumpkineyes: *punches fist in air*
4:22:03 PM pumpkineyes: *puts on pink legwarmers*

A couple of years ago, I swore off gaming and switched to a Mac so I could better concentrate on my studies, and More Important Things(tm). One semester later, I found myself walking around Lucky Plaza during the winter break home, looking for a good deal on a Nintendo Game Boy Advance. I thought it would be okay, plus the need to shoot things was getting too distracting. It was my first console since the days of the NES.

Less than a term later, I traded it in for store credit towards the new Nintendo DS at the GameStation store across from my university. I justified it by saying it was just a better GBA, with a nice backlit screen, and I was future-proofing myself although I had no intention of buying more than one DS game (WarioWare).

Half a year later, I got a Sony Playstation Portable (PSP). Now THAT console, was a waste of money, and I have only one game for it that I don’t regret (Lumines).

Another half a year on, and I have added a Nintendo DS Lite, micro, and about 12 DS games to the score (many others have been sold off). So my commitment to the no-gaming rule has been pretty weak, but along the way my lifestyle, dropping attention span, and the promise of burgeoning maturity have squeezed me into the new casual gamer mass archetype that game companies are beginning to court. Titles that promise short, intense, pick up and play sessions hold the most appeal for me now, and there are very few exceptions to that.

But.

Yesterday.

I spent 8 hours on my newly fixed-and-not-crashing PC, playing Lara Croft – Tomb Raider – Legend. I should note that I played it to its end, which doesn’t signify very good value for 60 bucks, but it’s a lot of fun anyway. The graphics are fantastic on just about any system, and my oldish Radeon 9600 Pro only slowed down on the Tokyo level, where some polished and gleaming nightclub floors threw up a lot of reflections.

It’s the most fun I’ve ever had playing a Tomb Raider game, and the new developer behind it (Crystal Dynamics) has really rescued a franchise that had become a symbol of everything wrong with the genre it helped create. Namely, 3D platforming.

I actually don’t think I like 3D platform games very much. All the frustrating moments in TRL came from my pressing on the wrong direction button and jumping into ravines because the camera moves ALL THE TIME and changes the meanings of the direction keys. Nevermind that it’s something no sane person in that situation would do. I’m not talking about missing a rope in mid-air, I mean REALLY jumping into the opposite direction of the rope. Why do games allow you THAT much freedom? Isn’t the objective to have fun and do cool things you can’t do in real life? Shouldn’t the game just understand that I don’t want to commit suicide, however fun and undoable-in-real-life that may be? I don’t need the freedom to jump into any 1 of 360 degrees when my only logical direction range should be maybe 10 to 30 degrees. Ok ok, I’ve digressed.

I am looking forward to revisiting Tomb Raider Legend on the GBA, as a proper 2D platformer, where I can make Lara do exactly what I want her to do. It was a good 8 hours, but it also reminded me why I wanted to stop gaming in the first place. Eight hours is too much time wasted to have to justify to oneself, when free time is limited.

Hi-la-rious comment on this Gameboy Micro review page at Eurogamer (yes, I am thinking of buying one while waiting for the Wii).

Guy #1 says the Micro is the worst waste of circuit boards since Johnny Number Five. You either get that or you won’t get the rest of it.

Guy #2 (Bezzy) replies:

My father was a technical assistant on both the Short Circuit movies, and I’ll have you know that for all the puppeteering that went on (i.e. faking robotic movements and such) there are some true robotic feats going on within that robot, due in no small part to my father’s passion for robotineering.

I take great offense to what you’ve said, as you obviously have no clue about the hard work and effort my father put into that robot, even if it wasn’t really a robot and was more like a puppet, but with wires and camera irises and stuff.

What you don’t know is that my father wrote up plans for how Johnny Five could be made to actually WORK! His plans were dismissed as a crackpot fantasy by the Director, Special Effects Supervisor, Osbudman, and Writer (though what a writer knows about robotics, I have no idea). After Short Circuit 2, he left the movie industry to work on his dream. He’s been in the shed ever since. Simulations he wrote in the mid nineties showed that an excess of voltage resulting in electricity jumping between R15590 and C562 COULD result in the system software becoming self aware.

So FUCK YOU! Johnny Five COULD have been real, and if he’s not dead yet, my father will prove it!!

That film is not so much “Science Fiction” as “Science… Maybe?”.

I just love how it starts believable and then goes wacky. It’s a work of art as gamesite comments go. Someone find this guy and give him a job! He even comes back and replies to stupid criticism a little lower on the page.

Edit: Aughhh! I am dying here at my desk trying not to laugh! On the 2nd page, someone suggested that Bezzy’s dad turn his car into a Transformer…

Zuiyo:
Back to Bezzy and Johnny Five: we need Bezzy’s dad in charge of the Transformers movie, won’t you say so?
You can start with my 93 Honda Civic hatch. Only two conditions: I should be able to drive it like before after your dad is done, and the robot should have a mild personality and listen to what I say. None of that KITT shit.

Bezzy:
My dad’s robot is going to solve world poverty and catch terrorists. It’s not there fore your childish amusement.

Once again, I am offended by your internet words of shame.

SBK: Snowboard Kids at Eurogamer.net

The game is shite, and to prove it, John Walker spends the first three paragraphs talking about another game altogether. Of course, he’s only doing the old contrasty set up writerly thing, but it’s so so good to read.

What I have learned is: Mario Kart is really, incredibly good. And further, I don’t know why. Mario Kart has unfair deaths, where despite your superb racing technique, and complete trouncing of the AI drivers, a giant blue turtle can still knock you off the track one inch from the finish line, robbing you of your hard-earned victory. You throw your arms up in disgust, swear the paint from the walls, and most likely call Princess Peach a bitch. Then you play again.

Mario Kart never gives you the drops you want, but always seems to give the enemy something cool like the shrinky lightning, while you get lumped with a solitary bloody banana skin again. A banana skin you’ll inevitably skid on yourself in a lap’s time. But you keep on playing.

It cheats and robs you at every turn, but you take it – you keep taking it, going back for more. How on Earth?! It’s a mystery I’d be fired for acknowledging were this a review of Mario Kart. Fortunately this is a review of Snowboard Kids, and Snowboard Kids cheats and robs you at every turn, and sucks for it.

Stayed up last night to watch the live E3 Nintendo press conference on Gamespot. It was awesome, of course. Consider me on the waiting list for the Wii, and a very proud DS Lite owner.

Most incredible was the news that over 100 new games will be released for the DS between now and the end of the year. Joystiq has what appears to be the full list. Everyone doubted the DS’ ability to motivate third-party developers in the beginning, and the PSP was to survive on “at least” ports of PS2 titles, guaranteeing a steady stream of content.

A year on, and the PSP seriously lacks original games, whereas the DS is in danger of having too many. If I could only afford to play one new game a month, what in the world should it be? Starfox DS? Phoenix Wright 2? Tony Hawk’s Downhill Jam? New Super Mario Bros? Kirby DS? Big Brain Academy, Sudoku, and all the other Touch Generations games for adults? Yoshi’s Island 2? Lunar Knights? Final Fantasy 3????

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so incapable of making a decision, except when shopping for music. Imagine how much more the problem will be compounded by this time next year with even more games out for the Wii. The effect of this veritable carpet bombing of fun is that I don’t even have time to consider an Xbox 360 or a PS3. Great strategy, Nintendo. If you can deliver so hard on just 2 (unique) platforms, why should anyone consider another?

I just beat this Japanese Pepsi Flash game and got the above “Memorial Banner” to show for it. Whoohoo! Try it out. Being a rhythm game, it was too sluggish on my old G4 to complete easily, so I had to close all other open apps.

Here’s a true story from folklore.org about how the Macintosh was going to be called the Bicycle, until smarter heads prevailed in the development team. Why didn’t more people at Nintendo refuse to call it the Wii? Surely Satoru Iwata can’t be scarier than Steve Jobs was in the 1980s!